I have these rose bushes outside of my house. They are unruly and thorny and fast growing with the recent rains. The roses, they like to creep up across the front patio and tear at my legs whenever I walk past, reminding me of their existence- of their beauty.
Their blossoms are deep fuchsia, yellow and soft pink. They smell alive and fresh and at times cloying. Every weekend I wander out – bleary eyed from sleep and cuddle time with Bodakin – and cut a few flowers to bring into my bedroom. I like to sit with them throughout the week staring at the soft petals and deeper hue of the veins.
The thing about taking a rose from its bush is where you cut –just above the node of a leaf so that a suckling branch can grow from the wound. It took me growing many things to understand the necessity of a well-placed cut. It took me having mine own garden to recognize that trimming back a plant to its roots is necessary though it seems a bit aggressive… cutting away the dead or drying branches and leaves from a plant allows it to overwinter without rot eating at its core.
I know what you’re thinking – this post is going to be about cutting into the self to grow
. Damn you prescient beast! You are correct in assuming this thing.
Compassion, Vulnerability, Authenticity, Imperfectness the Wave and the Deep.I have been visiting these places lately.
Change has always been an active and messy thing for yours truly– removal of thing feared, thing hurt, thing broken and then growth into the raw empty space left behind. Lots of crying and fussing over the cut but living with the results. You know all of those life affirming aphorisms on Facebook ( pasted over positive imagery) about how your life is in your hands and you have to CHANGE it…yup that’s about how I summed it up.
Well …I don’t quite know how to say this…uh… I was fucking wrong. Yep there it is. I was wrong about trying to force change into the spaces and hollows within me because I felt like I needed it. Change ebbs and flows and just happens and all I can do is pay attention and create width and breath in my soul – By being vulnerable and open, by giving myself permission to be different and still authentic, by accepting my imperfect perfectness. I can’t force change but I can facilitate the process by keeping my hedgerows neat. (soooo much entendre here)
The grand Chu gave me I had this idea hunched over the aforementioned bushes with a pair of dull scissors trying to avoid the thorns and pick the roses. Cutting back is a goodness done to serve the soul and thereby serve the world. ..but don’t cut masochistically – don’t cut your own spaces – just open up the ones that already exist. In order to be a good teacher. In order to teach with passion, In order to teach with vulnerability – one MUST tackle the overgrown thicket protecting the heart.
Well placed cuts loose the ability to be ok with loving openly.
Well placed cuts allow compassion to move past your perceived self and allow one’s light to shine through. Think you got that? It’s hard. Go and sit with the person or thing that you hate most in the world and allow yourself to understand and embrace it without being afraid that you will become it. Experience the world from THAT vantage point. Sit and find a way to forgive. As an aside – I don’t have it yet but I am allowing space for it to develop organically within me.Well placed cuts unfetter oneself from belief and allow space for what you are supposed to be to just happen. How long have you avoided growth because of the ties you’ve made . . . to a stylized version of your life, to a dying relationship, to work or social order or acceptance. Cut those bonds my friend – cut through them and allow your true self to grow in.
Seems like a shit fit of difficult right? Seems like an austere way to live life – cutting away all these things that you’ve made and leaving the heart space open.
Here’s the thing – if you cut at the right juncture something will grow back in its place and with attentiveness ( hedgerows people) I bet you a diamond encrusted goose that it grows in better – more beautifully. Old Joe to the Campbell told me once, “The experience of mystery comes not from expecting it but through yielding all your programs, because your programs are based on fear and desire. Drop them and the radiance comes.”
I have enough faith in the process of the self to totally believe in this ( as much as a logical gypsy soul can) – that yielding instead of forcing is my best life practice. That cutting away the dross at the right junctures in my life has borne sweet fruit. It may work for you as well- of course take into consideration that we are all individuals hanging heavy in the net of life- my way may not be your way. I’m not here to give you the Facebook photo version of life and change.
I’m just here to let you know that bacon is the gateway meat and that I love being able to experience it as well as the rest of the world.
Much love and cupcakes.