Teaching Love Learning and Firefights.

Posted on May 3, 2012

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Teaching

I love to teach and I love to give to others. Things that pair well in my chosen profession(s).  When I was a little Ahimsamaven I would learn things and then get excited about said thing and then tell EVERYONE about it…ad infinitum.

Mom…MOM..MOOOOM! Did you know that Tyrannosaurus’ have little baby arms!

Wanna learn about philosophy? No? I don’t care. Your gunna listen or we aren’t dating anymore.

Age and grace have made me a bit less forceful with the passage of information from my brain to others (I no longer use my intelligence as a wall or a weapon) but it has not lessened the thrill I get when I facilitate understanding and growth.

I find myself gravitating more and more towards teaching yoga in a way that delivers a message or provides aid or respite to those who have physical or psycho-social issues – cancer classes and more recently eating disorder classes. Always I have had the push to teach others in the way that I learned at Pacifica – in a holistically and Joseph Campbell myth centric.

Because of the different threads that are lacing through my teaching life I find myself sitting in semi deep contemplation a lot. I write a class based on a myth and I wonder how the story can translate to “regular yoga” – and then I remind myself that all life is a myth so translation isn’t necessary…and when is yoga ever “normal”?

I move organically through a restorative class – trying to relax and loosen up the spaces where flesh binds after a surgery to remove a woman’s breasts and I wonder what good can I give besides all of the love and energy I have to help her heal and live peacefully with her breath in the 60 minutes that we are together.

I wonder if I have become too selfish in my teaching and practice with I ask myself these questions. I wonder if I’m pulling on the proverbial skirt of Yoga…Mom…mummy….mummy…MOM….look at me. Tell me I am doing it right.

And then sleep, then dreams then a return to self.

Learning

It is a different sort of lesson when one teaches asana or pranayama to people who traverse pain daily – it is a lesson in how to give as well as receive from a class without taking on too much. It is also a lesson in my lenses…how I see myself and the world. BPD doesn’t seem too bad comparatively. Teaching those who have laid down with physical and emotional trauma is like diving into the depths of a deep wide ocean –I never know if I’ll be pulled deeper or buoyed by the experiences . I never know if I will give or gain lessons from the class. I never know if the moment where another person and I meet is one that will leave me breathless or aching for the unfairness and unfixable pain of the situation. There are chances to drown in the sorrow of those I teach. There are chances to light a path and lead the way into a sweet relaxing practice. There are spaces in between that I am continuing to learn about. I love these chances and the lessons they provide and know that this path is my key fitting into a new lock – a place where my soul just fits and I can and will grow. Sorrow, amour, cynicism, gypsi-ism. It all comes from the same place.

Knowing nothing.

Before each class I sit silently and mediate – sacralize the space – kind of like a serenity prayer for the yogi. Recently during meditation I’ve had the Cinnamon Peeler by Ondaatje in my head. (Not really meditation I know but…meh) It is one of my favorite poems about the placing of hands and love and scent and social norms all intertwining.

It reminds me that what I feel and think and see and smell all are contextual  -set from the inside out –  all of what I experience is sensual and that these things while at times repeating – are new moments and in a way all of my life is a lesson. Every single fluxuation in time is a lesson in reaction and response. The cobbling together of my impulses and drives and guidance into a moment of knowing or not knowing or learning or teaching of seeing or remaining blind.

All moments are moments.

…………………………….. … …………….. ………………………………………….. .. …. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. .  .  .

I think perhaps I just found a way to cancel out any and all forceful teaching I’ve given in my life….who wants to learn about velociraptors? Everyone? Awesome!

Love and tacos –

AH

 

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Posted in: Humor, Yoga